lazarus heart

i lost a boy.
i lost the boy,
and i was lost,
believing
i was forgot.

then he came back.
came back
to lose himself within me,
to soothe himself,
within me.
again,
he left
and i was lost.

still,
he came back,
yet forgot he came back,
and we were lost
to each other.

then this boy,
this boy i thought
l o s t,
lost his life
only to be brought back.

many were the dreams
in which i heard him call me,
many were the dreams.
yet,
believing i was forgot,
i did not answer,
until
the day,
i came back
for myself.

i came back,
to remember,
that what i'd believed lost,
was found,
across time,
across space
and even
from cross death.

memory is miracle,
and we are never lost.


july 26, 2004

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **


adieu, avoir, arrivederci:
(a birthday present)


life and light calls.
i must needs take this
heart shadow,
bathing its erasure
in midday sun.

seven years
in the boneyard,
seasons passing.
odin's winds swirling,
muffled inviting laughter,
while miss havisham's dust
clad me in gray veil.

a husband came and was left,
discarded for fey illusions,
a triangular dance eons old.
dark night's thick fog
whispered lies,
until this morn,
this mourn,
this morn's
declarative no more.
for,
living desires me.

melody stirs soul,
beckoning me,
backstep cross
threshhold
of hades' queen


hear now beside me,
embraced harmony.
cemetery gate clangs
as recess bell releases,
oscillating new song,
new courage,
new world.